Envious.....Not Jealous

My ex and I on our wedding day in Panama City, FL

I refuse to get into the reasoning behind my divorce and how I pretty much got screwed out of a lot of things. But I will get into how I handle the emotions of having my child around my ex's new girlfriend(s).
There is one girl friend, I do not mind my son around. Even though she is partially the reasoning for my divorce, she is still my friend as we have mended the past and moved on. There is another girl that is also a girlfriend that I really could care less if my child is around her. I am not jealous of her one bit. I am, a bit, envious.
That girl is the first thing my son sees when he wakes up and the last thing he sees before he goes to sleep. That makes me envious of her. I have an empty bed here at home. That bed is only filled every other weekend, some holidays and one month out of the summer. (I told you I got screwed out of a lot....including the custody of my own child).
That girl is there to make my son's school lunches, take him to school, pick him up from school, and take him to the community pool. We have a pool in our backyard so we only have to go a few feet to get to that. I pick my son up from school if I am available to on the weekend's I have him. I never know about how he is doing in school unless I talk to him over the phone. I never get to hear him say "I miss you" or "I love you" unless it is over the phone. All those little things are actually big things.
Last year, this girl and I got in a huge fight but really it was over something EXTREMELY dumb and she just kept holding that cloud over her head. No matter how many times I explained myself, I could not get through to her. She then was determined to make my life a living nightmare after that. Making sure that my ex followed the divorce papers TO THE WORD and making sure that SHE had control over everything. That is when I became not to like her.
Now a days, she will text me photos of my son (if I ask her to) and occasionally when we all get together for dinners and get togethers, she tries to be social but I still hold that grudge. The grudge of saying "Remember, I love you" and telling my son what to do....all in front of me. That is a mother's job. She is not his mother. I understand she is in my child's life but she has been in and out of my ex's life so many times. She is not a stable person in his life.
I guess what really matters is that my son thinks she is nice (at times). He sometimes talks about how she grounded him for silly things that I would have just punished him some other way for. Hey, some of us know how to parent and others don't. I am not saying she does not know how but sometimes she seems to go to the extreme from what I hear. I, do, appreciate all she does for my son but I wish, at times, it was just me and no other woman.