A New Year Is Upon Us

The New Year is upon us. What does this next year hold? A lot of uncertainties I am sure. I hate to make any New Year resolutions as I have never been good at following through with them.

I will start by continuing my weight loss. 18 pounds down with another (at least) 15 pounds to go. I will attempt to either get more photography clients or I will decide to dwindle that out of my life, sell my gear and focus on other things. I will make it a goal to be moved out of the in laws house by the time summer comes around. Once that house dream becomes reality, I would love to start trying for another (possibly the last) baby but I wouldn't welcome one any less if we were to get pregnant before then. Another goal is to succeed at Auto Nation and be less financially stressed but if that doesn't work out, I woudn't ind going back to Pet Data.

I  question this job move. I have for the past week. I am comfortable and happy at Pet Data. The only reason for my leaving is because the pay is slightly better. The insurance will also be better ---- or one can hope.

Hubs still hasn't heard back from Auto Nation. He also no longer qualifies for unemployment. They stated he did but then "investigated" it and found he was fired from DSW so he no longer is able to get unemployment.

Until Next Time.....

Building Up To Nothing But Anger

Three years ago yesterday, one month after we celebrated 6 years of marriage, ex husband and I went up to the Collin County Courthouse and filed for divorce together.

I am not even sure what to write this entry. I am beyond hurt. I cried all night yesterday. I was told how ungrateful, disrespectful and unappreciated and how I do nothing around here. When I tried to list all I do, I was told 1) that all that stuff I do is SUPPOSED to be done and 2) that I really don't do what I say I do.

I cook
I clean
I run and empty the dishwasher
I vacuum and steam clean the floors
I clean up dog messes which are not from my dog.
I make coffee more times than not.
I wash dishes
I buy groceries
I feed the dogs
I clean up poo in the yard
I check the mail

The only thing I am SUPPOSED to be doing is cooking for MY husband and kids, clean up after them, buy OUR groceries, clean up my dog's messes ---- EVERYTHING else ----no----not my house.

They want to be blinded by everything I do and say, I will just stop doing everything and just maybe they will see how much I do.

I am doing everything I can get our own place. I am doing everything I can to trey to be nice, to avoid conflict and make everyone happy.

I will not allow someone to ATTEMPT to control me and my emoticons or thoughts let alone someone try to turn my husband and my best friend away from me. I am no monster. I will not make anyone choose because honestly, I will be better off away from everyone, away from the bullshit, lies, away from the drama and way from the blame.

If she has THIS MUCH anger and she's had it THIS LONG --- why try to be nice to me. Why act like my friend. Why do things for me when I never once asked your help or asked you for those things. WHY?

I should let anyone get me this far down but damn it hurts. It hurts knowing my husband could divorce me to please his parents. Or he could even just walk away and never speak to them again ---the blame lies on me. It hurts knowing that your best friend things you are a liar. It hurts knowing one or more people blame you for ruining other's relationships with other people.

I look at my husband and I know I love him. I love him for standing by me when I was at my worst. I love him for understanding who I am and why I am the way I am. I look at him and honestly could not imagine my  life without him but at times I feel i need to prepare myself for the day to come.

I look at our son and KNOW I can't do the same to him as I did to my oldest but I also think there is no way I could fight when I more people fighting against me for him.

I no longer have an answer or solution for anything anymore.

I no longer know who to trust.

Time Changes Things

Three years ago, I left my ex husband and my oldest son behind. I regret it every day. I wish I could tell my son the truth about why I left that night but I just can't. Maybe I will write him a letter and when he is old enough, I will give it to him.

This morning my ex husband and I had a child support review. The officer said that my child support WILL go up and we have to get our son off Medicaid so my ex will be responsible for getting insurance on him but I will have to pay him monthly for that.

I found out from my mom that Granpa comes in town for Thanksgiving so hubs, Baby T and I are going there for Thanksgiving since things here at home aren't that great.

We are on Week 5 of the military diet. Hubs had no gain or loss. I lost more weight putting me at 12 pounds lost in a month!

 

Until Tomorrow.......

Grow Up

 This is upsetting.

I find it very funny and very immature that someone who doesn't know you can talk so much smack ABOUT you. It shows their character and it shows how much they think about you.
You cant really claim a parent a dead beat or a no show or even a bad parent if that parent is in the child's life. A parent who supports their child in all aspects including financially, a parent who encourages their child to do well and to try things they've never done or ate before, a parent who spends time with their child at aquariums, parks and snuggles during movies at home... all that is NOT the definition of a deadbeat, a no show or a bad parent. A parent who disciplines their child is a great parent because it shows the child they care and love them enough to show them right from wrong. A parent who raises their voice in front of their child is not considered a bad parent. It shows that 1) that parent will keep getting louder the more you interrupt and interrupting is rude and 2) shows that the parent can stand up for themselves and not be bullied.
I work enough jobs at home, at work, and as a mom I hardly ever have time to myself. A shower is a luxury because I'm too busy supporting my family. I don't always have my best moments but you try living the life I had and the life I'm living and you tell me your life is perfect because no one is.
I state you aren't my child's mother because you aren't. You aren't even married to his father so step mother isn't even one of your titles. You're just "the girlfriend". So until you've raised s child of your own or walked the shoes of the child's parent, you have no right to the child nor any right to judge the parent.
So, in the end, I only have one judge and that is God. He sees all and knows all and if it were between the 2 of us, I'm sure I'd get in first. 

Upsets

Again, I am slacking. Between work, 2 kids, and life, I start forgetting about this place.

I had to miss 3 days of work due to a stomach bug or food poisoning.

Since then, I still have been unable to accomplish a 40 hour work week. A serious downer.

There have been major upsets dealing with the ex and his girlfriend. At times they irritate me more than words could ever express.

We've been trying to find a place to rent with no luck. I spoke with a lender and I qualify for the FHA loan but hubs has debts he needs to pay off. Until then, we are unable to purchase a home but we're trying to find out more information about mobile homes.

Another development since the last entry was that I have a 2nd job. I will be working at home when able or when I have a sitter. I will be transcribing voice mails. I am unsure about the pay but it's a 2nd job and right now anything is helpful.

Slacking Yet Busy

I've been slacking, I know. I've also been super busy.

Before I forget, last night Baby T woke up an hour after putting him in bed. I got up, changed his diaper and put him back in bed. He, of course, cried and whimpered. I gave him a hug and laid him back down. He cried and whimpered. I gave him another hug and he cried some more. Not 30-40 minutes later, he was back asleep for almost 7 hours. YAY.

On another note, I'm stressing. I went to pay per piece at work and because I'm still learning, my average is very low. Today was the only day I got near $100 for the day. I would be happy for now to get $80 a day because that is still about $10/hr.

Also between car payments, car insurace and other bills - along with hubs spending on random stuff - I feel we will never move out. I am 30 ---- I NEED my own place. WE need our own place.

Hubs interviewed yesterday for the assistant manager position at the Denton location. He has a 2nd interview tomorrow plus they are running his background. Praying he gets it since it would be a pay raise and we NEED it.


Until next time.......

One Step Forward - Two Steps Back

What an exciting afternoon it was!

I wasn't even in the door after work when hubs told me that our dog's foot was bleeding. Having had worked at a vet's office in the past, I tried to clean it and get the bleeding to stop. The bleeding did stop but started again so to the vet we went. 2 hours later and almost $100 take out of the account, the dog is fine. She ripped the webbing between her toes but they were able to put surgical glue to fix it.

They wanted to give her a 2 week antibiotic but that would have costed us another $200 so we were able to to get a week supply of antibiotic pills for MUCH cheaper between online coupons and being first time patients.

One step forward ---- two steps back.

Today is the Day

Wow, where did 2013 go? I really need to update this blog more often!

Today while hubs was off work, we went to Grapevine Sea Life Aquarium to meet the Octonauts. Unfortunately, we were only able to meet Captain Barnacles and not Kwazii but it was still a fun day. Also we bought Baby T a backpack leash but really didn't use it much due to the foot traffic. Also, Baby T thought he had free rein of the aquarium but didn't realize he had a "leash" attached to him.

Later in the day, we went to the park. Baby T is now asleep in his crib and I wish he would stay there all night. At 13 months old, he is still waking up in the middle of the night.

Because he is in bed - asleep - I am going to go to bed as well.

Until tomorrow......