Today, I was to the point of not knowing what else to do...just like last night. He wasn't hungry as I had just fed him and he was spitting up curds of milk. He was extremely tired with no fever in sight. As I stood at his crib trying to get him to sleep, I was on the verge of tears. Standing there, staring at him, listening to his glow worm play music while his Mama Womb Bear made sounds from the womb. I was near tears because my oldest never got sick until he was in Kindergarten. I was near tears because I was able to rock my oldest to sleep or just hold him and he would fall asleep and Baby T seems to be fighting it all the time. I was near tears because, there I stood, staring Baby T in the eyes and reminiscing about when my oldest was his age.
This weekend, we had the oldest "A" and we took him to the local pumpkin patch with the in laws and my older sister's family (her fiance and son). We had a great time riding on the hay ride, bouncing in bounce houses, running obstacle courses, picking out pumpkins, taking photos in the field of pumpkins and with the cutout characters, and even enjoying disgusting corny dogs! It was a great day.
The fun ended when I had to take "A" back to his dads. Before leaving the pumpkin patch, I get a text message from my ex husband asking if we can drive all the way out there to drop "A" off. The hubs said that was okay and we proceeded our drive out there. It really isn't that long of a drive (25 minutes maybe at most) but it is a bit out of the way and we already drive out every other Friday to pick him from school. Hubby has been furious at the fact that the ex husband won't drive all the way out here once in a while to pick his son up. It is like throwing a brick at a large rubber ball....it will just bounce back. Or talking to the ex is like talking to a wall. There is no getting through to him. I got screwed out of a lot because of his lying and now I have to pay for it. Literally.
When I got to the house to drop him off, the ex husband said (and I quote) "I appreciate you dropping him off. We just got back from the coast and I am exhausted." Seriously? I see you have people (including your girlfriend) over decorating the house for Halloween and then on top of that, you have multiple people in the garage while you have meat smoking in front of the garage. How long have you been back? I am sure you can step away from the house...leave the girlfriend there to watch everyone and the meat and come pick up your son. Talk about irresponsible....or at least having priorities screwed to the max.
I was beyond upset after dropping off "A" that I had to fight back tears. Today, watching Baby T fight sleep and reminiscing of the times when "A" was a baby, I had to fight back tears yet again. All I want is for my family to be together and that means having my oldest with me all the time. I feel like a crap mother when I have to tell people I pay child support or when I have to tell my job or others that I can't do something because I have my oldest every other weekend but what they don't know is how I got into that situation.
This just puts more fire under my butt to do something about it but until I have the funds to do something about, nothing will ever get done. That makes me upset even more.