Saturday, December 7, 2013

How Will You Be Remembered?

This evening, I was asked by my ex-husband how I felt about him taking our son (only 7 years old) and moving to another state. This is all because he was offered a better position and better pay by his company that, he says, he can pretty much retire on. How do I feel? I feel like vomiting. I feel like crying. I feel like hitting something. I feel like I have officially lost any appetite I ever had for the rest of my life. I feel like a terrible mother. That is how I feel.
After going through the motions and going through the divorce decree to see exactly what it says about him moving our child out of state, I have come to think how will my son remember me. He won't see me every Thursday, or ever other weekend, every holiday, etc. If I am lucky, I will see him one month out of the year and that will be during the summer. My ex-husband states he will fly me out one weekend out of a month so I can see my son and then of course I have the summer.....but even still that isn't much time. I barely get any time as it is.
The last few weeks, my son has been misbehaving, he has been talking back, being EXTREMELY picky on what he eats saying he doesn't like something even though we know he likes it and he hasn't been listening. I have been giving him the cold shoulder at times, I have been letting my husband do some disciplining (if it is their issue, they need to work it out...I will not step in the middle), and I have been cutting back on video games and tv a lot. How will he remember me? Will he remember me as that?
Last night, we were watching tv and when I got up to change the baby's diaper, he, out of nowhere, stated that he no longer wanted to be here and wanted to go back to his daddy's. That really hurt. He didn't understand how bad that hurt. If we were not iced in from this Texas Winter Storm, I am sure the ex would have been here picking him up in a heart beat. Does he no longer want to be with me? Does he think I am that mean, that he wants to stay with his daddy?
I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Without repeating myself, I don't know how to continue this blog I am so confused, in shock and in a deeply terrible emotional state.

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