I had yet another interview today. I was supposed to have 2 but I rescheduled on. The one today was for a front desk position at a fitness club.

I did a bit of voice mail transcription today in the chaos of working out interviews, calling Capital One regarding my car payment as well as renewing my photography website.

I am hoping things will look up financially soon. Being I've managed to get 3-5 interviews since Monday and hubs has been out of a job since early/mid November and has maybe had 1 or 2 interviews. Quite upsetting and depressing and LAZY.

In other news, my oldest did some math using the techniques I used as a kid (counting dry beans) then they played some laser tag and Baby T got to sleep in his big boy bed for the first time. 


Until tomorrow.

God What Are You Saying?

Today, I woke to my alarm to start the day with some voice mail transcription work.

I think got my hair done and it looks awesome.

Following that, I had a job interview for a data entry position. Still no word from Pet Data. I even left several voice mails, emails and texts with no response.

Maybe that is God's way of telling me that he has something else in store for me. I hope so...and soon.

Too Good To Be True

Auto Nation did not work out. It is definitely not a company I should or would want to work for. I am desperately trying to get old job back. Otherwise I will be extremely stressed over bills ----especially car payments and child support.

Now hubs is all pissed --- probably because I didn't stick it out with Auto Nation but also because his parents never informed him of when dinner was ready and now I am getting attitude from him.

I spent the morning with my family followed by transcription work all day. Even calling my previous boss about getting old job back and called 3 job recruiters and emailed about 7 companies my resume. What has he done? Sat and played games on his phone or been on Facebook. Sometimes I wonder if he really wants to have a job or if he likes everyone doing everything for him.

Why did I leave my job? I was already sketchy to begin with yet I still left.

Pissed ----until the next day.

A New Year Is Upon Us

The New Year is upon us. What does this next year hold? A lot of uncertainties I am sure. I hate to make any New Year resolutions as I have never been good at following through with them.

I will start by continuing my weight loss. 18 pounds down with another (at least) 15 pounds to go. I will attempt to either get more photography clients or I will decide to dwindle that out of my life, sell my gear and focus on other things. I will make it a goal to be moved out of the in laws house by the time summer comes around. Once that house dream becomes reality, I would love to start trying for another (possibly the last) baby but I wouldn't welcome one any less if we were to get pregnant before then. Another goal is to succeed at Auto Nation and be less financially stressed but if that doesn't work out, I woudn't ind going back to Pet Data.

I  question this job move. I have for the past week. I am comfortable and happy at Pet Data. The only reason for my leaving is because the pay is slightly better. The insurance will also be better ---- or one can hope.

Hubs still hasn't heard back from Auto Nation. He also no longer qualifies for unemployment. They stated he did but then "investigated" it and found he was fired from DSW so he no longer is able to get unemployment.

Until Next Time.....

Building Up To Nothing But Anger

Three years ago yesterday, one month after we celebrated 6 years of marriage, ex husband and I went up to the Collin County Courthouse and filed for divorce together.

I am not even sure what to write this entry. I am beyond hurt. I cried all night yesterday. I was told how ungrateful, disrespectful and unappreciated and how I do nothing around here. When I tried to list all I do, I was told 1) that all that stuff I do is SUPPOSED to be done and 2) that I really don't do what I say I do.

I cook
I clean
I run and empty the dishwasher
I vacuum and steam clean the floors
I clean up dog messes which are not from my dog.
I make coffee more times than not.
I wash dishes
I buy groceries
I feed the dogs
I clean up poo in the yard
I check the mail

The only thing I am SUPPOSED to be doing is cooking for MY husband and kids, clean up after them, buy OUR groceries, clean up my dog's messes ---- EVERYTHING else ----no----not my house.

They want to be blinded by everything I do and say, I will just stop doing everything and just maybe they will see how much I do.

I am doing everything I can get our own place. I am doing everything I can to trey to be nice, to avoid conflict and make everyone happy.

I will not allow someone to ATTEMPT to control me and my emoticons or thoughts let alone someone try to turn my husband and my best friend away from me. I am no monster. I will not make anyone choose because honestly, I will be better off away from everyone, away from the bullshit, lies, away from the drama and way from the blame.

If she has THIS MUCH anger and she's had it THIS LONG --- why try to be nice to me. Why act like my friend. Why do things for me when I never once asked your help or asked you for those things. WHY?

I should let anyone get me this far down but damn it hurts. It hurts knowing my husband could divorce me to please his parents. Or he could even just walk away and never speak to them again ---the blame lies on me. It hurts knowing that your best friend things you are a liar. It hurts knowing one or more people blame you for ruining other's relationships with other people.

I look at my husband and I know I love him. I love him for standing by me when I was at my worst. I love him for understanding who I am and why I am the way I am. I look at him and honestly could not imagine my  life without him but at times I feel i need to prepare myself for the day to come.

I look at our son and KNOW I can't do the same to him as I did to my oldest but I also think there is no way I could fight when I more people fighting against me for him.

I no longer have an answer or solution for anything anymore.

I no longer know who to trust.

Time Changes Things

Three years ago, I left my ex husband and my oldest son behind. I regret it every day. I wish I could tell my son the truth about why I left that night but I just can't. Maybe I will write him a letter and when he is old enough, I will give it to him.

This morning my ex husband and I had a child support review. The officer said that my child support WILL go up and we have to get our son off Medicaid so my ex will be responsible for getting insurance on him but I will have to pay him monthly for that.

I found out from my mom that Granpa comes in town for Thanksgiving so hubs, Baby T and I are going there for Thanksgiving since things here at home aren't that great.

We are on Week 5 of the military diet. Hubs had no gain or loss. I lost more weight putting me at 12 pounds lost in a month!

 

Until Tomorrow.......

Grow Up

 This is upsetting.

I find it very funny and very immature that someone who doesn't know you can talk so much smack ABOUT you. It shows their character and it shows how much they think about you.
You cant really claim a parent a dead beat or a no show or even a bad parent if that parent is in the child's life. A parent who supports their child in all aspects including financially, a parent who encourages their child to do well and to try things they've never done or ate before, a parent who spends time with their child at aquariums, parks and snuggles during movies at home... all that is NOT the definition of a deadbeat, a no show or a bad parent. A parent who disciplines their child is a great parent because it shows the child they care and love them enough to show them right from wrong. A parent who raises their voice in front of their child is not considered a bad parent. It shows that 1) that parent will keep getting louder the more you interrupt and interrupting is rude and 2) shows that the parent can stand up for themselves and not be bullied.
I work enough jobs at home, at work, and as a mom I hardly ever have time to myself. A shower is a luxury because I'm too busy supporting my family. I don't always have my best moments but you try living the life I had and the life I'm living and you tell me your life is perfect because no one is.
I state you aren't my child's mother because you aren't. You aren't even married to his father so step mother isn't even one of your titles. You're just "the girlfriend". So until you've raised s child of your own or walked the shoes of the child's parent, you have no right to the child nor any right to judge the parent.
So, in the end, I only have one judge and that is God. He sees all and knows all and if it were between the 2 of us, I'm sure I'd get in first.